so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
