My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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