All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
