If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
