I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
