yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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