people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
