I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
