why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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