You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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