Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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