You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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