I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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