I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
