NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
