I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
