i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
