piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
