The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
