apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize