Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
