I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
