he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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