I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
