now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
