I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
