Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
