i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize