he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize