dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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