Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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