Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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