put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
