Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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