Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
