She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
