do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
