He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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