No more Irish car bombs ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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