I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
