girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
