just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
