Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
