I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
