11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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