I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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