he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
