hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
