I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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