About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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