i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
