my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
