I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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