I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
