I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
