Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
