Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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