Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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