She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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