dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
