I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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