Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
