She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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