Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
