is your mom at the bar?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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