I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
