There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
