There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
