He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
