i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
