Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think my moral compass just broke
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
