U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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